This is a tricky area. There are many possible contributors to low libido; some are physiological and some are sociological.
Do you love your partner and feel loving towards them? Do you have any unresolved psychological or medical issues? Do you actually have “windows of opportunity” when you and your partner are together privately, feeling relaxed and well-rested for a decent amount of time? Do you touch your partner and share intimacies with them in a non-sexual way? Is there any pain or discomfort with sex?
I highly recommend Dr Rosie King’s book Where Did My Libido Go? She summarises the main causes of reduced libido beautifully, which is a good start point for addressing it. As always, I highly recommend that you find a trusted health professional to talk to as well.
Everyone’s inherent levels of desire are different. Some women will have sex every week and call it a dry spell, others might have sex monthly and consider that quite a lot.
Check out this article which might help you to accept that the level of libido you have is actually ok.
Testosterone has a big role to play in sex drive; the more you have, the more you want it. We have a much lower level of testosterone than men to begin with, which halves between the ages of 20 and 40. It declines even more after menopause.
For women who have difficulty becoming aroused or orgasming there may be a role for supplementing with testosterone cream. This should always be done under the supervision of a doctor with the expertise to monitor your testosterone levels and adjust the dose as needed.
Declining estrogen levels with age further erode our libidos and can cause vaginal dryness and sexual pain. It’s actually in our physiology to have a lower libido as we age. Having said that, a new sexual partner seems to enhance libido at whatever age you are so psychological factors can definitely triumph in the right setting.
If you were living alone and didn’t feel like having sex then that’s fine. Where it becomes an issue is if your partner wants it and you don’t, or vice versa.
No-one wants to feel like they’re having to pester their partner for sex all the time. If there is resentment building because one partner is feeling pressured and the other rejected then sometimes a relationship or sexual counsellor can help to break the cycle.
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